Monday, May 30, 2016

I wonder..

Stopped crying for someone useless.

What does that mean?

I've moved on?

Good.

Friday, May 27, 2016

3 years

3 years ago.. masih berhempas pulas untuk dapat status jawatan tetap dalam perkhidmatan.

KAP.. Kursus almost 2 months at APM.. 5 subject... study beramai-ramai.. sharing tutorial.. latihan kerja.. quizzes.. assignments..
I miss all these kind of pressure. Studying...
Dalam pressure study tu, banyak kenangan manis terselit... x kurang juga yang pahit. Hahahaha..
Ramai kawan.. dari jauh2 datang APM untuk kursus bersama.. Rasanya batch yg terakhir datang kuliah belajar dari TO. After that, semuanya e-learning...

Yang bestnya batch KAP31 Bil.1/2013 ni, semuanya x kedekut ilmu. Masing2 mau membantu kawan lulus exam. Ujian microsoft, sorang mesti jadi kambing hitam utk cuba jawab.. lepas dapat result, dia share.. so kalau dia ada salah 2.. yg lain next selepas dia betul 100% disebabkan dia.. baik kan? Hahahhah.. I never expected that kind of thing they would do for friends.

Lagi best batch ni.. mmg ada macam2 puak.. hahahaha.. I still remember.. Geng budak Sabah, sy kepala. 😂. 1st outing dorang, pegi bowling di Alamanda.. hahaha.. tercari2 transport. Maklumlah x bawa kereta sendiri. Ends up, tumpang berhimpit2 kereta kawan yg mmg x kenal langsung.. You see that? Strangers bah... but guess what.. Strangers doesn't always be the bad people. Sampai sekarang jadi kawan.. I never expected this friendship lasts till today.

Masa mula² mau cari tumpang kereta siapa tu mmg funny. Ramai yang tiba2 offer.. Baik hati.. Tapi sy ikut instinct. Tgok muka satu persatu. And based on behaviour baru beberapa hari kenal. I'm an observant person. I do judge from 1st impression. Lagipun mo bawa kawan² sabah.. macam sardin bah kereta orang kami buat. Hahahaha

Sadly.. I lost the whole KAP folder album.. Dalam tu penuh gambar kenangan KAP..vdeo poco².. ruginya.. time can never be rewinded. Apa blh buat la.. But the pictures in my head will never disappear.. They're still fresh like it was just yesterday.

Hopefully to get promoted... I need to take another step higher.
Aim it Grace.. Aim it high! Dream can always be reality if you strive enough.

APM will always be a nostalgic place for me..

Chiaws,
Bella

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

I need one...

Because sometimes..
I just need a shoulder to lean on..
No words needed..
Just shushhhhh...

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Work work work

Boleh ka tamak? Hahaahaha..

Since self financing already started, my aim is to get Cemerlang every year (kalau boleh lah). Bukan setakat C. Tapi dengan insentif & kenaikan gaji dia sekali. 😂😂😂
Cuz my boss already mentioned it before, boleh jadi org yg sama dpt insentif setiap tahun. Jeng Jeng Jeng..

So now my focus is my achievement. Achieving more than the actual goals is much better than capai cukup2 untuk dpt Cemerlang.

I've left Hasil Band already.. But I'm still performing for PPNKL Akustika.. And representing my branch for any competition/performance.
3 years with super duper busy schedule as band members, it doesn't really reflects in my performance result. The highest than I can get is still 7 or 8 out of 10 marks.. (Itu pun sbb wakil ppn untk pertandingan² peringkat sluruh lhdn). Plus.. that full 10 marks is only 5% from total mark for activities. The other 95% is still core work.

3 years in a row I got Cemerlang 2013-2015.. And I received recognition for year  2014.. (Thank you boss!!). People was quite shock when I received the recognition, since I'm considered as a newbies. 😒 But the feeling when people ask you "woah.. ko cemerlang 8% ka? Hewhewhew.. best bah..
Well, those achievement is a solid foundation for my career advancement.
I'm still waiting for the result of my application last year. Cepat la keluar.. Supaya sy x terlalu kecewa kalau xda nama. Hahahaha.. 

And now.. I'm the only senior left handling my Section.. I have 2 juniors to train and prepare them before I move to Sabah. 😂
I know my boss and my KPP is already pening with my application to transfer.. Mdm Wong told me that My KPP said to her "Grace is moving?? Noooooooo". Hahahaha

I'm actually interested in doing Resident Individual Assessment.. Or Company Audit. Cause I love doing audit.. My previous experience working at an audit firm is quite interesting. And its a sense of satisfaction when the bosses rely on you and proud of your determination in work. Bayangkan sy masuk kerja as a trainee penuh ofis tu dgn kotak2 fail dr clients. Habis 7 bulan kerja sana, bersih licin sampai xda kerja ofis tu.. tinggal fail2 dormant ja. Then I left.. My ex boss actually offered me double my pay when I'm working as sambilan.. just so I work for them again. Hehe.. But I decline. ☺

Proud of you Grace. (Shoulder tap). Please continue to awes people of your multitasking skills. I love to make people drop their jaws. 😜

Punya temberang & perasan ni post!

Chiaws,
Bella

Sunday, May 22, 2016

A once upon a time dream

I used to have this dream. To be a singer. hahahaha
Ya.. I let go of it.

I used to join as many singing competition back then. Some of it, won some title.. the rest, I take it as experience.

I was listening to Sakura Band latest song "Polaroid". The band who is quite famous of the song "Melepaskanmu", I myself thought that it was a band from seberang. Actually they are Malaysian band.. the vokalis Mell, in MV and pictures she doesn't look familiar. Until I stumbled on her FB page. OMG! Melley rupanya!! Patut la that smile seems familiar!!!

We used to join singing competition together at KKIP.. She got 3rd place.. and I got 2nd.. 1st place was won by Jeckley Goidon (recently he won 2nd place for Sugandoi Penampang). Melley has this unique husky voice.. When she sings, everybody was having goosebumps.. even my mom said her voice is husky sexy.

One of the prize that we won from Sugandoi KKIP is vocal training by one of Sabahan artist (Lembaga kebudayaan Sabah) I'll update the name once I recall him. hahahaha.. Otak sudah tua bah.. It was around 2007 if I'm not mistaken. I was taking my Diploma in UiTM KK..

We trained for almost 3 months.. (weekend session only). And on our last day, we performed at Wawasan Plaza open stage..

After that, since it was our last day, we went for a movie at Growball Cinemax CP..

Feel free to laugh at my face.
I was freakin skinny and ugly back then. And whats with the eyebrows?? (sekarang bebeh sudah) hahahaha.

*BTW sugandoi 2016 state level was won by Fanzi Ruji in case u've missed last night live broadcast from KDCA.





Anyway.. I wish you goodluck and all the best  Melley! ^_^

*Gosh I'm a big fan of Melepaskanmu song!

Chiaws,
Bella

Turned to stone.

I realize lately.. that I'm no longer a 'cry baby'.
I guessed that life has really taught me of surviving every downfall..
Does that means that I'm being matured?
That sounded funny. I'm 29 in June.. So yeah.. I am being matured.. *hopefully*

I don't simply cry anymore. It was more like "whatever" kind of feeling. Actually.. Not feeling anything at all. No anger.. or sad.. or guilty.. I don't know. It was like "not my problem" kind of thought.

Heart can really turned to stone because of tremendous amount of desperation.. sadness.. broken promises.. lost of trust.. annoyed.. ignorance..

And I guess after turning to stone, I can throw that back to the person who made the heart turned to stone. Yeah.. right at their forehead.. 😂

Bulls eye!!!

And no.. I'm at peace, feeling nothing at all nowadays. Too busy focusing on other things.. such as zumba-zumba heyy.. hahahaha..

Kasi rehat emosi.. Rilex.....

It is true. Once someone stops crying for you, you means nothing for them. Ha!

Chiaws,
Bella

Thursday, May 19, 2016

My Haven

I was late for work today.
I woke up at 7.30am.. Jumped out of bed and straight to shower!
Left home at 7.45am. Ya..my sons are late for school. Nasib baik musim peperiksaan.. tecaher lambat skit masuk kelas.

Reached office around 8.10am. Dekat saja bah rumah. Tapi dia punya jem... maigaddddd... Nasib baik terer cilok mencilok siap ikut jln tikus elak jem di Sri Sinar. 😂

Took breakfast at Miti cafe.. then started my working engine with full focused. 

Suddenly received an anonymous phone call. It was Haven's teacher. She told me that Haven has been vomitting already twice at school before calling me and looking very pale. Haven also requested to call me and take him home.
Jantung masa tu.. Aduiii.. berdegup macam mau tercabut ja dari dada.. Terus suruh cikgu dia ambil Harvey suruh tunggu di pejabat satu kali. I have to bring them both home, since Harvey is still dependent on his brother when getting on the school bus after school.

I was on counter duty this week. So I ask for my sis in law favor to fetch them home asap since she was on leave today and it's quite difficult to change counter duty with other officer on the very last minute.. I told her I will be back at lunch to bring the kids some food and bring Haven to see the doctor.

Within 5 minutes I changed my mind and  decided to take Emergency Leave. Thanks to Yultie, she agreed to exchange duty with me. Drive off from office like F1 racer. Head home and straightly bring Haven to see a doctor at nearest clinic.

Haven said he is ok. No more vomitting. I can see that he is also active as usual. I don't know.. I was panic for a while. Many thoughts came into my mind. All I can think of is, he is my son. My very first child. I will never forgive myself if anything bad happen to him.

He is very special to me.. It's not like his brothers are not that special. But he gets the attention more.. First child will always be treated very well kan. Everything with him is my first. First pregnancy. First birth delivery. First baby. First child go to pre school. First son to to primary school. Everything is my first! 😊

Being far from their daddy is a problem for me. But thats not gonna stop my responsibilities as a parent to my sons. No don't pity me. I'm a proud mommy. I'm proud of myself. I can handle all my kids eventho I'm a working mother.
I'm an independent woman.

p/s: Bukan main gumbira senang hati lagi bah si Harvey. Kena kasi balik awal kan. Walaupun bkn dia yg sakit. 😎

No more surprise like this again next time pleaseee.. Tercabut jantung bah.. 😭

Chiaws,
Bella

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

?

I'm in a deep shit.

Hated him.

But missing him.

What kind of sorcery is this?

Duhh?


Chiaws,
Bella

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Smile

Smiling is 😊

An upside down of every smile is 😢




Reality hurts.
♥Bella Ace

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Ujian

Tuhan menguji dalam macam-macam perkara.
Ada sebabnya.. mungkin dia mau tunjuk dan buat kita sedar.

Contoh.. Saat kita jatuh sakit.. dia tunjuk siapa yang ada disisi kita..dan siapa yang tiada..

Contoh.. Saat kita senang.. Dia tunjuk siapa yang tiba-tiba muncul entah dari mana.

Contoh.. Saat kita susah.. Dia tunjuk siapa yang ada untuk bagi pinjam bahu.. telinga.. dan hati. Dan mungkin menangis bersama.

Contoh.. Saat kita bersusah hati.. Dia tunjuk siapa yang perasan akan keresahan hati kita..

Right now I need my mom.

Dari dulu sampai sekarang, dia saja yang boleh rasa anaknya ini ada masalah atau tidak. Walaupun dia jauh di kampung. Saat sy bersedih.. berduka.. tiba-tiba kringggg kringggg .. dia call. 😢

Jauh berbeza dgn org brpranan pnting dlm hdup sy. He won't notice any changes/difference in me.
Bukan semua benda sy blh open up the story directly. Sometimes I need that guess from you. That means a lot to me. It means that you noticed..

Sigh!

Thursday, May 5, 2016

You

I am the mother.
I am the father.

Everything is handled by myself.
I'm sick and tired of all the reckless and irresponsible treatment I am experiencing.
I've sacrificed many times.
I totally can let go everything that I want, just for the sake of the family.

I am bossy.. rude and annoying. And I did that because of you. You treat me that way.

Don't expect me to treat you well while you were treating me like garbage.. Like a 'kuli'.

Inconsiderate.
Irresponsible.
Cold hearted.
Egoist.
Hard headed.

Thats you.

What a monster you've become.

I don't know you anymore.

You are not 'you' anymore.

Get a grip of yourself. Cause anything is possible.

Bella.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Tunggul

People took advantage of my kindness.
My independent life.
My care.
My love.
My friendship.

Saya duduk diam2 ja sini.. mcm tunggul kayu. x mampu berganjak pi mana2.

Umpama batu karang, ombak kuat macam mana pun disitu juga x berganjak.

Well keep on doing it.
Because one day when I'm not around, you will feel the sudden change.

And you will be missing me.

I've done enough.
Too much than enough.

😢