Please don't ever leave.
If you have to, please come back..
If it's not us.. either you.. or me..
Still holding on together.
I never left.
It's such a pathetic feelings
Knowing the fact that you have no ears to listen, shoulder to lean on and a heart to comfort.
You used to be the one
But now you're no longer the one
The one who knows when I'm down
Without even telling you a word
That look you used to gave me
As if you were talking to me, comforting me by hearts
No words uttered
The more I cried, the tighter the grip of your hands as if you were telling me 'be strong'
No words uttered
Tried to accept the fact of reality
Tried to deny it too
What a hypocrite I am
I just need a hug.
Satu rasa yang tidak diduga
Terbit menyisip ruang hati
Manusia sekelip mata boleh berubah
Mungkin tidak berganjak sekadar untuk tidak jadi yang pertama untuk berhenti
Dari getar suara dapat dirasai perbedaan
Yang dulu kini tidak lagi kedengaran di bibir
Tapi kerana janji
Tiada lagi bicara gembira
Seolah-olah tidak diingini lagi
Namun masih disimpan
Sekadar untuk tidak jadi yang pertama untuk berhenti
Apa janji itu sudah pudar?
Rasa itu dirasai..
Rasa tidak diingini..
Sekadar mengisi ruang masa yang terkosong..
Bukan mengisi ruang hati yang kosong.
My last post is in January.
I'm back for good in Sabah. And been living my life the Sabahan way.. 😅
I kinda miss my 2nd hometown. KL.
All my friends.
I do have friends here too. But nothing can replace friends that I've connected to back in my old workplace.
I am friendly. I make friends with people easily.
But for close circle of friends. I keep it quite hard for anyone to enter it. Those who are in it are special to me. Some quality friends.
Many things have been going on with me here lately. Too many to describe in details..
Things happened aren't always picture perfect.
Its quite hard to even post it out here. Everything is clumpy inside me. Clump.. clogged.. that I can't even spit it out.
Perhaps I'll do this some other time.
I'm typing to my ownself.
What's the use of loving someone with all your heart but you can't make her happy.
You think that you owned her.
You think that she's yours.
You think that she belongs to you.
Artificially yes.. you do.
But actually no.
What matters most is her precious heart.
Did you win her heart over and over again?
Try to recall the last time you did.
Albeit you can't.
You can't even put up a smile on her face.
Because you keep on stopping her from being herself. And you keep insisting her to be what you want her to be.. not her true self.
How can she be happy with that.
Did you love her because she's somekind of a trophy to you?
I can fake a smile. But you can read a fake smile too.
So what are we now?
I'm sick of being a puppet.
I'll be leaving KL soon.. end of this month.. back to my hometown.. KK.
Well.. this is how I enjoy my final chapter here.
One of my beautiful wish has come true.. 😊
Right after Bt.Tabur hike, I went for an art exhibition at KLCC gallery.. owh.. reviving my sim card too.. cuz suddenly it can't be detected..
I have asked a forgiveness from a friend.
Before going back for Christmas recently.
And till now.
There's no response.
This is not a guilty feelings. Because I am not at fault. It was just her own misunderstanding and insecurities.
But this is a regret.
A regret of 5 years friendship.
The real reason.
I don't know.
She cut it off with me. Our friendship.
Is cut off by just blocking in whatsapp. Removing from Facebook friendlist. Blocking at Instagram.
Every medium of interaction.
I've come to a part.. where I feel like I'm a beggar. Begging for a friendship.
And I feel helpless.
Maybe I should just quit.
It was actually up to her.
Me? I am always here.
Well.. I'm actually a nobody.
Because if I am somebody to you, I would matters.
Well.. maybe I'm not.
2017 is here.
I can't describe my feelings.
There are happiness.. and of course sadness.
I'm transferring back to Sabah Feb 2017. Back for good.
But a part of myself are left in KL.
Been there for almost 9 years.. My 2nd home.
I hope I can keep in touch with my friends... my closest friends.
I'll keep them always in my heart. ALWAYS and FOREVER.
These are a few of my recent madness.. I'll keep on posting more later.